Yeah  I really am
by florencenightingale
Summary: What if Sophia Turner had told Kate about the murder board in Castle's house? Begins during Linchpin but it's AU after that ...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I started this a long time ago during History class when I was wondering what would happen if Sophia told Kate about the board …

**Yeah … I really am.**

"You just can't stay away from a good story, can you?" Sophia's cold voice cut him through like a well-sharpened blade. He tore his eyes away from the black SIG pointed at Kate's head and stared at his ex-muse, panic starting to show on his face. There was no way - "The urge is too strong, right? You simply _have_ to tie the loose ends no matter what … isn't it Katie?" She asked with a sickeningly sweet voice, while poking the detective's shoulder with the weapon, urging an answer.

"I suppose sometimes he could be a little annoying, yes." Beckett stated tightly, still looking firmly in front of her: she wasn't going to give that bitch more attention than she absolutely needed. Meaning, just enough not to get her partner and herself killed right away.

"Just a little bit?" Sophia replied in mock amazement. "Well, you really must be something special … I don't know what I'd do if my partner," she smiled viciously at Castle while he silently (and uselessly) begged her not to go on and ruin everything he and Kate had just before killing them, "sneaked behind my back to look into my personal life … unless I asked him to, of course."

Upon hearing her words, Kate averted her gaze and met Castle's guilty expression. "What is she talking about?"

The KGB agent didn't give him a chance to answer and went on, chirpily as if sharing some great gossip. "What? Hasn't he told you?"

"Told me what, Sophia?" Beckett snapped, in annoyance and confusion. "He's been shadowing me for four years. To write books. This implies a certain level of poking around, don't you reckon?"

"Yeah, but in your mother's murder too?" Why did Kate had the feeling that what's-her-name knew more than she did?

"Castle and I decided to let it go for now." She cautiously said, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

"I see … then I suppose that he keeps a … how does he call it?" The agent pretended to think for a moment, her long, manicured left finger tapping her chin. "A murder board with all of the evidence you've found and more, in his study just to lighten up the place, right? Nothing like a stabbed body can spin the creativity of a mystery novelist."

Kate tensed visibly and turned stiffly towards Castle. "Is it true?" her voice was angry and hard but, as she watched her partner struggling with words, she felt tears starting to pool. She willed them away not to give Sophia the satisfaction, and then she realized something. "How come does she know about it?"

"Oh, I just came by yesterday night to apologize for my rude words. For the sake of the good ole days, you know …" she slyly added.

Kate's heart stopped for a moment, every ounce of hope drained from her. That woman had won on every front: she had her linchpin a few yards away, the detective trying to stop her at shooting range and had even enjoyed one last night with the man she wanted.

"Kate, I swear nothi-" His partner's hollow expression stopped him dead on his track.

"Are you done now?" Beckett asked the woman, tiredly, averting her gaze and fixing it on the bright white linoleum.

"Not a chance." She said, coldly. In the spark of a second she had the security guard released.

Kate closed her eyes. This was it then right? A bullet like she always-

Shot.

...

Everything started to move very fast: still bracing herself for the pain that never came, Kate felt her body being thrown to the ground and, in a matter of seconds, she heard another shot boing fired. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes again were Sophia's glassy ones fixed on her, her curly black hair a curtain hiding part of her face. As Agent Dunberg ran past them shouting to follow him, she realized that Castle's body was draped across her back, keeping her down on the ground without making an attempt to get off. And breathing was becoming kind of difficult.

"Castle, move." She breathed through gritted teeth, already trying to use her arms as leverage to turn around and stopping midway due to the pain in her right wrist. Great, sprained. "Castle, get off me, please, we have to follow-" Was that blood on her shoulder?

No. No … "Castle, are you ok?" she worriedly asked, trying to move as fast and kindly as possible until she had his head nestled on her thigh: there was no answer but for whimpers leaving his mouth on and off. Her eyes trailed his back until they found a small bullet hole just below his right scapula: she couldn't make out the actual extent of the damage but she was somewhat relieved by the lack of burnings along the edges of the wound. At least it hadn't been as close-ranged a she thought. Upon hearing his pained cries she started urgently applying pressure on his shoulder, quickly realizing the bullet had probably grazed the bone. Another cry went out when she took her phone out of her pocket to call a bus.

"I'm Detective Kate Beckett, 43527". She quickly said while giving the reassuring man at the other end of the phone their location. "I need a bus as soon as possible, there's been a shooting. Officer's down … bullet in his back … yes, still breathing."

"Castle help is coming real fast, ok?" She said, turning back to him. This wasn't looking any good: from where she knelt she couldn't put nearly as much pressure as she ought to, and certainly the fact that his spine was arched wasn't helping. "Ok, I'm gonna move now. Tell me if it hurts." He nodded and she slowly slipped away, carefully placing his head on the white surface.

"I think she broke at least one rib." He croaked out, his eyes opening for the first time.

She couldn't help the relief flooding her when she heard him speaking: she moved a gloved hand from the wound and gently caressed his hair. "You idiot … why did you do that?" She asked, softly, probably more to herself than to him.

"I'm sorry … about the murder board." He replied feebly, taking a shuddering breath and winching in pain.

"Shh … it doesn't matter now." She stated, one hand still soothingly stroking the nape of his neck in a vain attempt at doing something that could keep the worst-case scenarios already forming in her head at bay. What she'd do, something should happen to him, she refused to think about. He was there with her, seriously injured but still alive and breathing. And help was coming.

"No, Kate, really …" He tried to protest but she cut him short.

"I know Castle. Don't worry about this, just hold on." Because help _was_ coming, right?

"But I need to explain! I did it to protect you, I-" She stopped him mid-way as he tried to turn around and look at her, thus causing himself another wave of pain.

"Rick, I don't care about my mom's case now! I just want you to be very still, ok? We'll talk about it later."

"But I want to see you when –" _When I'll close my eyes_.

"Castle, you're gonna be fine." The panic in her voice became even more evident when she spotted a few teardrops on the back of her glove: she'd been so focused on Castle (even though she was probably doing more damage than anything, every single ER procedure learnt during her last course erased from her mind and replaced by an irrational anguish she was so desperately trying to keep in check: was she supposed to turn him around? To keep pressing? What if he stopped breathing? How many seconds between compression and the other during CPR? Where the hell was the bus?) that she hadn't even realized she'd been crying the whole time.

"Kate, please … I'm so cold …" His eyes were closing again, his voice nothing more than a whisper, now.

She was losing him. "Rick don't you dare closing your eyes!" she panted heavily, applying more pressure to the wound. ""Please, stay with me!" This was all a big joke, right? Was the Universe really punishing her by making her live his side of last May's shooting? Well, there's no time like the present, she thought. And she knew exactly what she was supposed to say now. "Rick, I love you. I love you Rick, stay with me!"

His pained smile made her heart clench: Castle looked like he was about to tell something himself when the paramedics burst in, running and shouting; they placed the gurney next to him and pushed Beckett away ("Detective let us do our job, we've to stabilize him.").

Kate reluctantly stood, hands in front of her mouth to cover the lip she was biting into, and watched them work, adjourning them on him and the shooting, until she saw another group of paramedics checking on Sophia Turner "She's dead." She stated in a cold, matter-of-fact voice. "There's nothing you can do to that traitor. Or should, for that matters." The sarcasm dripping from her every word seemed to go unnoticed, making Kate even more angry: why was everybody fumbling around the corpse? "Go and help my partner instead!"

"Detective, calm down: we're doing our best here and we have an obligation to check on every victim." Said a blonde thirty-something woman, holding a stethoscope. "I'm Dr. Grew. Would you like to come with us?" She asked calmly: Beckett fought the tears back and thanked. "Ok on my count," the doctor added. Addressing the man in front of her, already holding the handles of the gurney. "One, two, three. C'mon, c'mon!"

Kate climbed in and shut the door the moment the other woman shouted the driver to go, and fast: she sat down beside Castle and took his hand while scrolling down her list of contacts to find Martha's number. "Which hospital are you taking him to?" She asked over the beeping of the machines, the engine roaring and the blaring siren.

"Bellevue." Kate nodded and her heart dropped when her call went straight to voicemail. "Martha it's Kate. Listen, Richard's been shot; we're taking him to Bellevue. I need you to be there as soon as possible, ok? He's unconscious but breathing on his own. Come fast, please. Bye."

"His wife?" The doctor asked, tilting her head toward Castle.

"His mother … she's not picking up. I'll have to call his daughter though." _And I don't have Alexis' number … I hope she's still with Lanie._

"You care a lot about him, don't you?"

"That wouldn't even begin to describe it … I …" God knew her mind was playing strange tricks to her: was she (Kate Beckett, lonely tough cop extraordinaire) really about to spill her guts to a complete stranger? "I'm Kate by the way."

"Shirley." The woman smiled.

They shook hands: at least they were on a first name basis now. "I … I made a promise to his daughter to keep him safe, always … but he's thrown himself in front of a bullet meant for me." A single tear broke down her cheek and Kate wiped it away hastily. "He wasn't even wearing his Kevlar … we were caught by surprise and …"

"He saved your life." Shirley stated simply. "He must be one hell of a cop."

Kate laughed bitterly. "That's what hurts the most, you know? The fact the he looks like this," she said pointing at his pained face covered by an oxygen mask, "and he hasn't even signed up for it."

The doctor looked at her with a puzzled expression. "You mean he's a civilian?"

"A writer." She confirmed, too concentrated on conveying to him all the support she could by gently drawing circles on the back of his hand to see the realization click.

"Is he _the_ Richard Castle?" Kate nodded, waiting for the inevitable fan girl squeal. "So that makes you-"

"The extraordinary KB." There was no use at stopping the tears now.

"I'm sorry Kate … I'm sure everything is gonna turn out to be just-"

Castle was crashing. While she'd been chatting and making friends, his body had decided that he couldn't take it anymore and had gone crazy. Seizures were passing through him making his muscles strain and his back arch, shattering him while the monitors were beeping uncontrollably adding noise to noise in a carnival that made Kate's head spin and ache. She couldn't watch this. She couldn't just sit and look at him in agonizing pain, she thought, but maybe, just maybe, Shirley was right: he could still hear her. So she forced herself to do as commanded and kept holding his hand, whispering comforting nothings in his ear as the other woman injected him with a tranquillizer and the male nurse next to her stuck a piece of cloth in between his clenching teeth, to prevent him from biting his tongue off.

Eventually, after what had seemed to be hours, she felt rather than saw his body begin to calm down, and the oxygen mask was placed again over his mouth, helping him breathe and relax further. Then the bus stopped, signaling them that they'd reached their destination: she followed the gurney in, running beside doctors and paramedics while they were exchanging data and assessing the situation, still holding Rick's hand in silence. She had to let go, though, when they entered another corridor and she was forced back. It broke her heart, but not as much as what she had to do next did.

She took a deep breath and dialed.

"Hi Alexis … no, I wanted to talk to you … listen …"

A/N: Well, that's what I came up with … there's more to follow (that is, if Andrew won't kill me with the next episode) … hope you enjoyed

Ciao!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know, it's been a long time. I'm really sorry … hope you enjoy

By the way, I don't own Castle, but I'm pretty sure you all knew that …

"C'mon, c'mon Trauma 1 is ready!"

_A door slamming. Wheels turning madly._

"Ok, what do we got?"

_The gurney stopping abruptly._

"On my count one, two, three."

_Ouch!_

"Male, late thirties, GSW to the right lateral chest, no exit wound"

_Blabbering._

"Spontaneous resps, satting at 96. BP is at 100 palp after one liter."

_More blabbering._

"Ok, type and cross?"

_Type and-_

"There's no time, he's bleeding out!"

_I'm what?_

"Ok, call the blood bank, we need four more units of O-neg."

_No. _

"Starting a central line."

_Oh no._

"Chest tube?"

_What the hell-_

"Two at least."

_Two?_

"Ok, Betadine and Steri-Drape, please …" _Puncture._ "Fifth intercostal space …" _Pressure. _ "Feeling the pleura …" _More pressure. "_ Check it please."

_Something round and cold._

"You're in"

_Breathing._

"Perfect. 0 silk and Xeroform."

_A swishing sound._

"He's got four centimeters in the Thora-Seal."

_Meaning?_

"Hemo-Cue is at 8."

_Beeping._

"Where the hell's that bullet!"

_Bullet …_

"Isn't it embedded in the scapula?"

_The shooting …_

"No, it just nicked it … Call Radiology."

_Kate!_

"BP's down to 60 palp."

_Beeping …_

"Hanging another unit."

_And … _

"He needs two packs of frozen platelets."

_Beeping …_

"We need to intubate!"

"Ok, sux and Etomidate, please … and 8-0 tube … I'm in, bag him."

"End tidal is yellow."

"Can we get him in a OR?"

"Garrett's already scrubbed in."

"Where's Radiology?"

"They'll meet us upstairs."

"Ok, pressure's up to 90 systolic, let's go."

…

Castle had been in the ER for a total of five minutes, when Kate (who was pacing back and forth in front of the gray door leading to Trauma Rooms) heard the unmistakable sound of rapidly incoming sabots and high heels. She turned around and saw Alexis, still in her light blue scrubs, no jacket on, hair tied back in a bouncing French braid, slamming her hands on the triage desk and anxiously asking the nurse about her dad.

Martha was firmly heading towards her instead, with a cold, unfamiliar expression shadowing her fine features. Kate braced herself relive her afternoon and composed her face in a tentative smile.

"Hey Martha …" she whispered, placing a hand on the other woman's arm; it was meant to be a comforting gesture, of course. Still, the other woman didn't seem to perceive it as such and reacted like she'd been burnt. Common enough, Beckett thought, slipping immediately into her calm, collected Detective mode.

"Everything is gonna be alright …"

"Alright?" Usually a voice that harsh and low didn't mean any good. "How can you say it? My son was shot in the back! Does 'alright' mean he'll only be a paraplegic?" By this time she was yelling.

A sharp intake of breath could be heard, as Alexis caught her Gram's last words and Kate felt the urge to rectify. "No, Martha …"

"And, don't 'Martha' me, Detective." People were definitely starting to turn. "We both know he wouldn't be here, had you been honest enough with him!"

Kate tilted her head and didn't answer. What did Castle's mother-

"Oh, don't play dumb Beckett: you're better than this!"

"Gram, please …" Alexis sneaked up on her and encircled her waist with one arm. Martha took a deep breath and wiped a few tears away.

""He loves you, everyone sees it. And you haven't even had the decency to tell him you don't." She stopped Kate's reply with a raised hand. "No, let me finish. You've been stringing him along this whole time, knowing he struggles with this feelings he has … and he keeps them buried not to embarrass you, thinking he'll only have to wait just a bit more. This is breaking him." She added, pointing a finger at her. "Your job has broken my son."

"Gram, that's not-" a watery voice added

"No, Alexis. You know I'm right." She turned back to Kate, at this point reduced into a trembling mess of tears and drying blood. "You didn't want to be a real part of his life. So leave."

"No, please … you …" One last attempt.

Failed.

"Just leave." Martha turned, one hand held up in a dramatic gesture, and went back to triage.

Kate stood there, speechless and silently weeping.

"Detective, please …"

"I know, Alexis." She said, focusing back on her. "I'll go. Good bye."

And, with that, she was gone, leaving Alexis torn between going after her and attending to her Grandma.

The latter won.

…

After a while, Kate heard knocking on the door of the bathroom stall she was crouching into. "Engaged." She didn't even recognize her own voice.

"Detective Beckett? Kate … please, come out."

"Alexis … I really need to get through this alone, please."

"Yes, Dad's told me all about this whole 'I'm gonna make everything ok by myself' bullshit you do … I don't give a damn, ok? It's my daddy we're talking about here." She slammed a fist against the door. "My dad, who's taken a bullet for you, for real this time! So cut the crap and get your ass outta there."

If Alexis was anything, she was never impolite- so it was with a shocked expression on her face that Kate Beckett left her refuge and leaned against its closed door, eyes blood-shot but not crying anymore.

The girl rapidly assessed the situation. "Great. Now that you're actually looking at me … you'll have to forgive Grams … she acts like that cause she's worried, not because she really means it."

"I think she does, Alexis … deep down, maybe, but she does. I think you di too .. and you'd be right, I guess." She resumed her pacing. "You'd be both right …"

The redhead silently waited for her to elaborate further. "You know what? I'm so tired. Tired of feeling unworthy, tired of my mom's case never leading anywhere, tired of my PTSD …" She was rambling. "… tired of lying to Castle by telling him I don't remember the shooting … I'm so tired." She said again, sliding down the wall onto the reddish floor. "But I can0t let it go …"

"Why Kate? Why is it so important to you?" Alexis asked, kneeling in front of her and placing her hands on the older woman's shoulders. "He loves you, and you love him too, weather you're ready to admit it yet or not. He could give you everything … he could make you real happy, you know …"

"Yeah, I do … but …"

"But what? What are you so afraid of? Is it the fact that he comes with a package? Is it me?" she asked shyly.

Kate snapped her head up and grasped the girl's hand. "No! not you! Never you Alexis … you … I care about you, very much so … I'd be so lucky to … but it's complicated. Everything between your father and me is just plain complicated."

""You do realize that you're talking oxymoron, right? There's nothing hard to-"

"I don't know what I am without my mother's case." Kate blurted out. "What if we get together and they try to harm him or you or Martha … what if my mom's case is never solved and I keep having nightmares or I screw up cause I can't give him the love he deserves …"

"All I'm hearing is a bunch of excuses … no one is perfect, Kate. Dad least of anyone … and he knows you're not. He knows about your demons and he's shown me many times during this past year that he's more and more willing to fight them with you and for you if necessary … why can't you just give him a chance?"

"It's not about giving a chance to _him_ …"

"I know. It's about getting closure. But, c'mon! How old are you? Yes, it's been traumatic. Yes, you've been trying to work it out. Yes, probably closure could make you feel slightly better, but no. You'll never stop missing your Mom." She stood up. "You'll just end up hurting everyone around you."

Kate was staring at her, amazed. Really Castle's daughter was something … and she hadn't finished, apparently. "Now, I talked to Grams and she's really sorry … so here's the plan." She stated matter-of-factly. "You go home and change while we wait … and then you come back?" she asked hopefully, extending a hand to help Kate, who took it half-smiling and rose to her heels.

Immediately, a sobbing Alexis enveloped her in a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so worried about him …"

"Shh … I know, Lex …" she hugged the girl beck, gently swaying and drawing circular motions on her back. "I am too … I'm not going anywhere until I know if he's ok …"

They kept swaying until their tears stopped. Alexis placed her head on the crook of Kate's shoulder and breathed deeply. "I'm sorry … about before … I was completely out of line …"

"Hey, don't even think about it … I needed to hear it out … c'mon, let's go and see weather there's any news, ok?"

As the girl nodded in gratitude, Kate's heart swelled. She absolutely had to be strong for her.

And she had to talk to Castle.

A/N: I really, really wanted to thank you all guys for your Alerts and Favorite … it's so overwhelmingly sweet of you! Thank you very much!

A/N 2: By the way, the coffee scene in last episode was heart crushing. Kate seemed so happy to see him but then he went and ruined everything … and she just placed the latte back on her desk, as if saying: "I don't want the coffee if I can't have our partnership back along with it." And her sarcasm at the end "That's what partners are supposed to do."? Please Andrew, do something here!

Ciao!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey guys! I'm back, finally but for a very short time: I wanted to update before my finals began so … here I am! Studying like crazy and living on coffee. I'm sure I'm the picture of health right now!

It felt like hours. It probably was.

Since they'd been moved up to the OR waiting room, Martha and Kate had been sitting by Alexis' side, holding one of the girl's hands each, trying to give and get comfort by touch: none of them were able to say anything meaningful anyway and small talk wasn't going to help any of them. Every now and then they'd look up, hoping to see someone who knew anything about what was going o in there. They'd been given the chance to assist to the operation from some sort of observation room behind a glass but none of them had really wanted to. Now they almost wished their fears hadn't stopped them: anything was better than that blind, tiring ignorance.

Someone got out, eventually: a woman dressed in green scrubs, hair firmly tied back in a bun. "Family of Richard Castle?" she asked, scanning the room full of the anguished faces of people anxiously waiting for their loved ones, until she spotted the three women gingerly standing up. She approached them, a tired half-smile gracing her features.

"Hi, I'm Dr Garrett." She said, quickly looking at the records she was she was holding. "Now: I've got two next of kins here … a Martha Rodgers … which is you, great …" she ticked the name, " … and a Katherine Beckett … which is you, I suppose." The doctor looked over at Kate, who had kept her distance, unsure of how much Martha wanted her to be a part of all of that.

"Me?" She asked, slightly confused.

"Are you Detective Katherine Beckett?"

"Yes."

"Then there's no mistake." The older woman's tone was final. "Could you all come over there, please?" She led them to a quieter part of the room to give them some privacy. "Now, Mrs Rodgers, your son came in today with a gunshot wound and severe blood loss: we had to transfuse him multiple times during surgery and it was also necessary to place two chest tubes in order to drain air and fluids and we asked for a radiologic consult before removing the bullet."

"Where was it?" Alexis cautiously asked.

"Well, a bullet's trajectory can … change considerably once it finds an obstacle." The surgeon said, trying to be as smooth as possible with the teary girl but not wanting to retain any important information. "In this case … it nicked the right scapula, broke two ribs and lodged inside a lung."

Martha had to sit down at this, pale and trembling, silently grasping Alexis' hand for comfort.

Kate took it as a sign to take charge. "Were you able to take it out?" The detective asked, her fingernails printing a crescent –moon pattern on her bruised palms.

"Yes, we did ... everything worked out pretty good all things considered."

"All things considered?" The broken, raspy quality of Martha's voice made Kate cringe.

"He coded twice but he's stable now … we're admitting him to the ICU to better monitor him since we've still some concerns … but mostly we'll wait for him to wake up so that we can run some more tests."

"How long …" The three of them started, stopping mid-way.

"Until the anesthesia wears off." The doctor stated in a reassuring way. "But it's going to take a while before he's back in shape … bed rest first and then physical therapy are definitely-"

"But when can I go see my dad?" Alexis asked tearing up again.

"It's probably gonna take half an hour … I'll send a nurse to come and get you once he's settled, ok?" She smiled and walked back to the OR, leaving three very bothered women behind: Alexis sank in a free chair, head in her hands, sobbing quietly while Kate gently caressed her hair.

"Detective …" Martha cautiously began, "… you should go home, take a shower and change … you've been here long enough and you're surely exhausted …" Alexis' head shot up, eyes frightened while she desperately clutched Kate's hands. "… but you're welcome to come back, if you wish." The older woman hastily added.

Biting her lip, Kate pondered the piece of advice: the blood on her clothes surely felt sticky and heavy and the thought of hot water sounded heavenly … still, leaving them, leaving Castle even if it was for a short time (cause there wasn't one single doubt in her mind that she was coming back … she was his next of kin after all) didn't appealed her one bit. Maybe she could take a shower somewhere in the hospital and ask for some scrubs to wear …

"Kate?"

The detective's eyes focused back on Castle's daughter, who'd managed to hold back some tears. "Yeah?"

"Kate … would you mind if … I mean, I know it could be kinda … but I …" the girl stammered seemingly unable to form a coherent sentence and staring at the floor in shame.

"Hey!" Kate said, sitting down next to her and cupping her face. "Hey, look at me. Look at me please" Blue finally met hazel. "Alexis, you can ask me anything you want, ok? There's nothing to be ashamed of." She said in what she recognized was a slightly motherly tone, vaguely aware of Martha's eyes burning a hole in her back.

Alexis swallowed the lump in her throat. "Could you please step by the loft and bring me something to change into? You do remember where my room is, right?"

"Of course I do." Kate tiredly smiled, remembering older times of home-cooked breakfasts and shared pajama bottoms. _The sad, criminal-linked part is still there though_, she thought. Are you sure you don't –" _Are you sure you don't want to come home with me?_

Beckett stopped herself just before popping the question. Of course the girl wouldn't want to go home: she would need to stay there waiting for the nurse and then spend the night with her dad, holding his hand at his bedside. Beside Martha he was all she had, she sharply remembered. But maybe … "Are you sure you don't want me to call your mom?"

Alexis' eyes were as wide as she'd ever seen them. "My mom?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah … I'm sure she'd want to know if anything happened to your dad …" The girl looked dubious. "Hey, we can think about it later, ok? Do you want me to bring you something in particular?" She asked, diverting the conversation on a neutral topic.

Alexis looked grateful. "Just sweatpants, a few t-shirts and a couple of hoodies … they're in the bottom drawer of my-"

"There's no need to bring your whole wardrobe here, kiddo." Martha interrupted her. "I'm sure we'll be able to go home soon. There's no need to bother Detective Beckett …"

"But I want to stay with him tonight, Gram!" The teenage passionately stated. "And Kate's been so kind …"

"Alexis, I promise I'll bring you something … if your Grandmother agrees, of course." Kate said, trying to sound conciliating. In all honesty, Martha's behavior was starting to worry her. It showed a disdain that wasn't possibly caused by one single (albeit awful) event but rather a deep disapproval harbored for quite some time: what had she done to deserve the older woman's contempt?

Martha looked torn between accepting and keeping the cold shoulder. Eventually, she nodded courtly. "I suppose you have the keys, right?"

Well, at least she was speaking to her. "In fact, I don't." Kate honestly said. It probably sounded strange, given the partnership she and Castle shared, but, really there hadn't been need to during the years.

"You don't?" If that wasn't awe in Martha's voice … "I'm sorry, I always thought … I mean, he has yours and …" She started rummaging through the contents of her small purse to retrieve a bunch of silver keys, "… but it doesn't matter. Here you are." She handed them to Kate.

"You're right, Castle has mine, but for safety." Why was she suddenly feeling the need to justify her actions? "I gave him my spare ones in case something ever happened and I was in need ... it sounded clever at the time." She muttered apologetically.

"I beg your pardon but aren't you, as you've many times so eloquently stated 'the one with the gun'?"

The detective blushed in shame. "He asked me."

"And you encouraged his illusion of playing the knight in shining armor saving the pretty damsel in distress?"

"What?" Had Martha really compared them- "I'm no damsel and he's no knight! We're partners! We have each other's backs every day!" At the outraged looks of the other people in the room she stopped and regained some of her composure. "Everything." She seethed. "Everything I do every single day I work with your son, everything, I do for his safety! And I know that he complains about it, says that I'm bossy, that I always want to go first, that I don't want him near 'fun things', which usually concern shooting and pinning down suspects by the way …"

Her eyes were flaming with fury and Martha turned her face away, standing up. "You really shouldn't be saying this to me …"

Kate went on like she hadn't spoken. "But I don't care! For what is in my power I keep trying to get him, get us, through our shift so that he can go home to you and Alexis every night … and come back to me the morning after." She breathed deeply and touched Martha's forearm. "And you know why? Because I can't think my life without him anymore. And it kills me that he got hurt trying to save me because … I love him too."

At that, Martha turned and looked down, her features softened, sporting an almost friendly gaze. "I know you do, dear." She said, wiping some of the tears that had eluded Kate's self control away. "The question is: do you love him enough to let him go?"

A/N2: Today I wrote my Italian Composition, tomorrow there's Greek Translation and on Monday "Terza Prova" which, if you don't know, is a sadistic way for your professors to test you by asking 12 random questions (meaning anything you've done in the last year) pertaining 4 random subjects (I'm guessing History, Geology, English Literature and Math … but Philosophy is, sadly, always a possibility) which you have to answer in a maximum of 10 lines and 3 hours. Let me tell you guys: NOT easy. I'm taking the orals on July 4th and then, maybe, I'll be free to go to Corfu … and study for my admission test …

Good luck to those of you studying for your finals! We're gonna pass them with flying colors!

Ciao!


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